Dear Mum (and the few great Dads who read this too ),

Despite many rumours, I have not run away from this blog for good!

It’s true: I often recommend that my clients temporary run away from home…but only for an afternoon, or weekend, and of course while the kids are being taken care of by some loving person. But the fact is, when we don’t take the time, life and our emotions, get the better of us. Remember, “When mom ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!”

We all need a parenting sabbatical now and again, and few of us get, or ever take them.

Recently, I have been in rehab with a physiotherapist for some chronic back issues, and it has been a good reminder to me to slow down (once again!). Thus, I have taken a bit of a sabbatical–unplugging from much of the outer world (like emails, facebook and even some great social events), to better plug into my family, my health and even to my marriage.

While on a walk today, a new friend reminded me of the fact that hyperactivity is not just reserved for our kids. Indeed, hyperactivity disorder is an epidemic in us parents too, as we desperately try to cram in too much into our days–texting when we ought to be playing with our kids, talking when we ought to be listening, and catching up on “stuff” when we ought to be sleeping!

This Mother’s Day, I received an email from a dear mommy client of mine who said:

Kelly, this Mother’s Day I thought of it being “a happy mother’s day,” as in a day for a happy mother. You have contributed to that in so many ways!

This is one of the best compliments I could get. Indeed, I am strong advocate for happy mothers, as often it means happy children (and spouses too!).

Just last week another mommy confided that she is noticing a weekly transformation that occurs within her. Frankly, by Friday she is regularly turning into the “Wicked Witch of the East” and begins to feel resentful and burdened by the children she so adores and is committed too 24/7.

Indeed, too much “momming,” is often too much. Parenting was never meant to be done solo, without any help or without any village to support this gargantuan task.  When I told this mother that I thought her insight about how exhausted she is by the end of the week was actually a positive, she of course questioned me. Like I shared with her, until we are conscious, as parents, of the places that are not working in our homes, we have no motivation to change. This is why when parents come to me struggling with their individual issues, I celebrate and get excited, as it often means that greater joy, and peace is just around the corner for their family.

There have been some unexpected deaths in my family and for my neighbours recently and it has served to remind me that far too often we parents get caught up in the unimportant things when it comes to life and to what really matters to our families.

A business mentor of mine says: “If you are rushing in life, the only thing you are rushing to… is your grave.” Dark this statement may be, but an essential parenting reminder too.

To leave on a more cheery note, here’s a fun letter, I just received via email from my dad that was a funny reminder of the importance of putting things in perspective as we parent more consciously. May it bring a smile to you, as it did to me.

Funny Dear Mum Email:

A mother passing by her sons’ bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up.Then, she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, ‘Mum.’ With the worst premonition; she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands.

Dear Mum, It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But, it’s not only the passion, Mum. She’s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a gypsy caravan in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it! Don’t worry Mum, I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren. Love, your son, Nicholas. P.S. Mum, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jasons’ house. P.S.S.I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on my desk. P.S.S.S. I love you! P.S.S.S. Call when it is safe for me to come home.

While innocently, putting my hand into our refrigerator searching for some fresh veggies, I catch something moving out of the corner of my eye. Yikes! I realize our child’s first pet has just hatched out of it’s cocoon and there are nine more to come. We are a bit unprepared!

Fortunately, unlike the Dr. Seuss book, Horton Hatches the Egg, these 10 pets are incredibly low maintenance, can be left for months at a time, and don’t even need to be fed. Despite being live bees (yes, I repeat LIVE bees), they are incredibly safe child’s pet–I give you my parenting promise!

It all started when I read, Fruitless Fall, a brilliant book which weaves a non-fictional tale of the current plight of the worlds’ bees, in such a compelling way, I just couldn’t put it down. It was like reading a murder mystery that taught fascinating horticultural trivia at the same time! For instance, I had no idea that bees help grow 1/3 of ALL the food we eat. Long before I got to the last chapter, I found myself (still a city girl at the time) longing for bees.

Once I found Bee & Me, a terrific children’s book (great for kids and mommy’s alike who are scared of bees), the bee deal was sealed, as my son was onboard too. Read the rest of this entry »

In just 10 mins here is the school litter we collected and this was a fraction of what there was.

“Why would our teachers punish us with something that is so good?” asks my very insightful eight year old charge.

But on this particular day, Grant had more on his mind than preventing injured sea creatures. Beyond perplexed, he suddenly realizes the irony of his well meaning teachers who regularly used litter clean up (something that he now knew the merits of as being a good thing for our schools, our neighbourhoods and our marine life) as a punishment for misbehaving students. And he was right. Indeed this form of child disciplinary action, made no sense at all.

Well, over 12 years later, and I stand in yet another playground with my own child doing the same litter pickup ritual.

Amazingly, the litter seems even more abundant today. Wish I could blame the fact that our particular school grounds are in a rough and tough neighbourhood. On the contrary, it is a great school nestled in a exceptionally caring, and dare I say, well informed community (we can actually boast an 83.77% voter turn out during our last election).

The fact that our grounds are so messy, doesn’t bode well for the amount of litter I imagine you might also find at other schools and in other neighbourhoods. Read the rest of this entry »

Our teachers are perhaps, the most beloved AND the most detested.

There are some like the PS22 choir teacher who can inspire their students confidence to soar to outstanding heights; and then, there are those few (and most of us have had at least one during our school career) who brutally strip away a child’s confidence (even our own).

Sometimes the school of hard knocks comes to us from life outside the classroom, and other times, it comes to us from within the walls of an actual classroom.

This week, a mother in one of my homeschooling yahoo groups, shared an especially difficult classroom discipline issue that had her son in tears.

It seems, her son’s best friend had his mouth duct taped in class, for talking during math. Her son, a concerned friend, brought it to the attention of his principal, but nothing was done. So this past month, he persisted and courageously (and respectfully too) asked a panel at a local teacher trustee meeting what an appropriate discipline action would have been in this particular case. Quickly, a teacher in the audience shut him down as his question was deemed totally “inappropriate.”

More and more I see that bullying comes in all colours, shapes, sizes and is not reserved for our children alone. Just last month, I was shocked to see how willingly my own four year old was to engage in bullying behaviour and didn’t have the courage to make waves.

Read the rest of this entry »

Maybe it’s the cold dreary weather, maybe it’s that time of the month, maybe it’s the fact that I haven’t been sleeping well this week, but whatever it is, I have been dragging my mommy butt and faking excitement for many things.

Somehow, I have been forgetting to see all the blessings around our home sweet home. Why, just last week my child and I were the cover picture in our little local paper. OK, it’s not Time Magazine (and definitely not Sports Illustrated) but it was fun. And despite a pretty incredible Halloween in which we gave “treats” to over 550 kids (yes, believe the unbelievable!); being able to conjure up the kind of parenting passion and joy I expect of myself has been a bit tough this week.

But then…

A friend sent me one of those parenting reminders that really hit home: Don’t fake it, feel it.

I invite you to watch this inspiring youtube video about the difference one very passionate music teacher has made to kids–kids, just like ours. May it inspire you, as much as it did me.

After witnessing the passion and joy this one teacher has been able to ignite in his PS22 chorus students, I am reminded of the importance for all of us parents to finds ways to connect with those hobbies, those friends, those activities that bring us joy; so we can in turn bring out more of the joy in our kids.

Cause although, we may be able to fake it for a bit, if we don’t feel it, our kids won’t feel it either. Don’t we deserve more? Don’t our kids deserve more? Don’t our communities deserve more? Well, as I see it, we only get more, when we give more of the light that is within each of us.